Parenting is 1000+ little conversations, apologies, cuddles, tears, laughter, and every mundane moment in between. Sometimes uncomfortable, sometimes beautiful, sometimes hilarious, sometimes heartbreaking.
In just the matter of one week, I was asked by our 8-year-old, “What’s a condom?”, “What is masturbation?” and “What is adultery?” Yes, all in one week, because we live in the real world where condoms hang on the walls of the Public Health Department where we got our Covid tests, and humor on T.V. shows allude to masturbation, and adultery, well, we were doing family discipleship and breaking down Proverbs 7 – so we opened that door. Can I just say though, it was a good week in my mind. I love that we had all of those conversations as a family, in the car, on the couch, and at the dinner table – together. It wasn’t awkward, it was appropriate, honest, and free of shame.
As parents, we’ve got to do whatever we can to connect with our children and not just on hot topics like the above. Like really connect. Heck, even as I was writing this, one of my kids came in, sat on my bed and just started talking to me about nothing and everything. At first in my mind, I was like, “Buddy, can you see I’m writing here?” Then I internally repented, shut my laptop, and listened to him. I asked questions and enjoyed the precious 15 minutes that he chose to come in, connect with me, sit at the foot of my bed and talk.
If I’ve learned anything, we cannot let devices and screens win the battle for their affection (or ours for that matter), because when they’re older and leave our homes, they will ask a device for its opinion, instead of showing up to family dinner to hear yours.
Build bridges. Find out what they’re interested in and ask questions about it even if you don’t get it. Say you’re sorry, not “I’m sorry you felt…” Don’t apologize for their feelings, apologize for your actions, it teaches them to own their stuff too. Put the intentional time in the calendar to go on a walk with them, grab a hot chocolate, shop for an outfit. Ask them to go get groceries with you and let them pick the playlist in the car, hold their hand if they still let you, and just take it all in.
Sit at the dinner table together as many times a week as you can. I mean, at our dinner table we talk politics, sexuality, racism, sex, marriage, Jesus, farts, body parts, video games, friendship, scripture, feelings, highs, and lows of the day, and everything in between – nothing is off-limits. It’s at the table, on the couch, sitting on the floor, in the corridor, or at the foot of your bed where 1000+ little conversations happen. Where 1000+ little seeds are sown that will grow into something beautiful.